Posts Tagged ‘humor’

There is nothing so deserving of mockery…

February 5, 2013

…as a bunch of overpaid celebrities who can afford 24/7 armed guards demanding that the rest of us give up our guns.

So Pajamas Media humor columnist Sunny Lohmann steps up. And boy, does she deliver.

“Demand a plan to ban massacres. I can’t believe those are still legal!” ROTFLMAO…

(h/t American Digest)

Fun with GIMP. Sort of.

November 1, 2012

So this little graphic is gonna need a bit of context…

Since Geoff Tate was fired from Queensryche, he’s been spreading a lot of shit in the media, saying that the guys destroyed the commercial value of the Queensryche brand and things like that. Early on, he made one of his more outlandish claims saying that he wrote — not co-wrote, mind you, but wrote outright — 81 percent of the band’s recorded material. Since then, that whole 81 percent thing has gotten to be a running joke among those of us at The Breakdown Room — especially since Tater’s been playing in bars to crowds of 250, while Queensryche’s been playing to crowds of 1,000-plus at every show. So, anyway, photo below the jump…

(more…)

Hey, I tried…

February 29, 2012

Overheard at Texas Guns on Bandera Road yesterday evening, shortly after I fondled a Remington R1:

Me: “Guns have been going up in price since ’08, Imma have to start slingin’ blow, dude. Means to an end, yes, sir….If I bring you some of that high-grade Mexican coke, will you cut me a deal?”

Clerk: “No sir, but I will introduce you to my buddy at the Leon Valley Police Department.”

Me: “Oh, is he the guy who gives the shoplifters the free rides?”

Incidentally, the Remington R1 feels pretty solid. I think it just might be my next firearm purchase, despite the fact that I was making goo-goo eyes at the Kimbers and talking to the clerk about the 10mm Dan Wesson Razorback. The clerk was telling me that the barrel and the bushing were machined from the same bar stock and they went through the entire manufacturing process together. I thought that was pretty cool; I didn’t think they did that sort of thing with production guns.

Of course, what would really blow my mind is if they did the same thing with the frame & slide…

Well, wouldn’t your marriage have issues too?

December 21, 2011

Overheard last week on the drive to work, after a caller to Dave Ramsey mentioned her husband’s “blow money”…

Sabra: “Sounds like there’s definitely a marriage issue there.”

Me: “Well, I would think so, considering the dude has a dedicated fund for cocaine!…I wonder if he has a horse fund, too…”

Overheard on IH-35 northbound driving through downtown…

November 14, 2011

Context: We were talking about showing without letting one touch, uh, certain things.

Sabra: “That would just be mean.”

Me: “Yeah. Almost as mean as KISS playing Green Day right after Metallica.” (They did that yesterday, for the record, as I was driving to work. “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” right after fucking “Breadfan.” I was pissed.)

Sabra, on Green Day: “That’s another one of those bands everybody BUT YOU likes.”

Me: “Well, everybody but me has shit tastes.”

Sabra: “Hey now! I know where you sleep!”

Me: “HAHAHA!”

Sabra: “And you go to sleep first!”

And later, at HEB…

Me: “At least the dude who fronts The Offspring could make a decent living if he didn’t sing!” (Dexter Holland has a B.S. in biology and an M.S. in molecular biology from USC.)

Sabra: “Oh, yeah…”

Yes, I much prefer The Offspring over Green Day, why do you ask? 😉

 

Yep, that’s what I wanna be.

October 12, 2011

Inspired by this and this

Me, on Facebook: “All righty then. If I had to live my next life as an animal, I would choose to be a mongoose.”

Sabra: “A mongoose, huh?”

Me: “Yeah. A cheetah or leopard could run really fast, but I’d be like, ‘So fucking what? I kill fucking cobras.'”

Sabra: “HAHAHAHAHAAA!”

Me: “‘With my fucking teeth!‘”

Heavy metal children’s songs?

October 12, 2011

I really am not afraid of playing metal for the kids. Come on, Metallica, Iron Maiden and all the rest of the ’80s metal bands made some really intelligent & thought-provoking music back in the day. But still, this…this is made of so much win it’s in danger of collapsing in on itself because of the awesomeness. I laughed so hard I had tears running down my face well before the end.

“Life is but a dream…FIRE!” ROTFLMAO….

“You can borrow my Kwanzaa cds.”

September 30, 2011

I really do like Rick Perry, but man, was this funny.

“…and saaaave a pretzel for the gas jeeeets!”

Well, I could!

September 7, 2011

Background: Truck’s in the shop. I had gone to pick it up, but unfortunately it wasn’t ready yet.

Me: “I ended up talking guns with the dude behind the counter.”

Sabra: “I love you for that!”

Me: “Yeah, you know on the side of the building facing FM 78 they have a sign that mentions that they finance. I asked the dude and he said, ‘Yeah, but you gotta pay half up front, $100 a week and we keep the car. That gets a lot of people.’

“I told him, ‘You oughta have some repo men. I could be a repo man. I have guns.”

Sabra, laughing: “Eeeeerik!”

Weeeeell, I could! LOL…

Snippets from this morning…

August 28, 2011

Driving down Carolina Street towards IH-37…

Me, seeing a rental company and number on a house: “I think that pink house is for rent.”

Sabra: “I think they rent moon bounces…Newspaper?”

Me, as I quickly turn into the gas station there at the corner of Carolina and 37: “Oh yeah!”

Sabra: “You completely forgot about the paper, didn’t you?”

Me, after a moment’s thought: “Yeah. I was thinking of how fun it’d be to live in a moon bounce.”

Sabra: “HAHAHAHA!”

And later, coming back by that same gas station, as I hear a dude in a Ford Ranger revving his engine…

Me: “Aw, you go, dude! Rev up that four-cylinder!”

Sabra: “Oh, now that’s cold! I’m impressed!”

Me: “All 2.3 liters of it!”

And a bit further down the road:

“Sabra: “Fuck a duck…”

Me: “I dunno, can you imagine what kinds of sounds it’d make?”

Both of us: “Quack, quack, quaaaaack…”

And right before we make the turn onto our street:

Me: “You know, chorizo and egg (together) was another thing you introduced me to. I’d never had it before you.”

Sabra: “Really?”

Me: “Yep. Chalk up another thing for the ‘I’m so WHITE!’ category…”

Sabra: “HAHA! Yeah, no shit!”