Mr. Duncan-Mark Thomas made his grand entry into the world at 1:15 this afternoon. 8 pounds and 9 ounces, and baby and mother are both doing just fine. 😀
Posts Tagged ‘personal’
Psalm-Angel Guadalupe was born Wednesday evening, September 24, 2014, at 6:10 pm. She lived about an hour and a half before she went home to our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. She got to spend time with Mama and me, as well as her sisters and brother. She knew nothing but love her whole life. It was the absolute best we could have hoped for. I’ll be a grown-up and admit I was scared to watch them clean her up and dress her, but even with all the abnormalities she was still the most beautiful and perfect baby that I have ever seen. It was at that moment that I learned down to the fibers of my being what love truly is.
Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart, for being there for us.
Hey, did you know that circling around to the back of your trailer park so you can dump your trash is probable cause to get pulled over in the trailer park?
Well, a few minutes ago I learned that apparently it is. TWO fucking Bexar County sheriff’s Tahoes with four deputies pulled me over in the trailer park (read: not on the public roadway) and gave me the third degree, because I was “driving around in an area known for high drug dealing” or some such nonsense, and they had never seen our van in this trailer park before, even though we’ve been here for just shy of two months and the damn thing has been in our driveway every Saturday night before this one except for one. I also got asked when the last time was that I used methamphetamine or any other kind of drug, why I was sweating, AND why my hands are shaking.
Respectively, NO, it’s August in South Texas, and neuromuscular diseases that make people’s hands shake are totally a thing!
(I really, REALLY need to learn to assert myself better.)
Like Sabra said, it’s a good thing I’m not black, or I’d have gotten myself shot. Yay for the War On Some Drugs, amirite?
So, here’s where we are now…
As Erin Palette told you all, in addition to the situation with our baby, we were also being kicked out of our home and had to find a new place to live as well as needing our van fixed for issues with leaking coolant. Those issues are now taken care of; we got the van fixed, found a new place, and just got moved in last week.
I do sincerely apologize for not updating you all sooner; the last few weeks at least have been quite a stressful blur. I never mentioned it on here, but the landlady (who bought the building from the man we originally rented it from) wanted to remodel the place and got to the point of calling me almost every day asking me when we were going to be out so she could schedule painters and whatnot to get in the building. She whined to me about it costing her extra money, as if that meant shit to me.
And ohhh, yes! Sabra reminded me that the woman actually tried to get us to move into the city’s homeless shelter so as to facilitate this remodeling. In other words, this creature wanted to move a pregnant woman — again, whose baby has a fatal diagnosis — and said pregnant woman’s family into a germ incubator to save herself some money.
I wanted to tell her, “If I could trade our issues for yours, I WOULD DO IT.” I finally had to write her and tell her that if she said one more word to me about it, I’d consider it harassment and report it to the appropriate agencies.
You’re probably wondering, “Would you really have her dealing with a dying baby?” Yup. It might make me sound like an asshole, but considering that she knew about the situation with the baby and still harassed us and still whined about her financial situation vis-a-vis the remodeling of the building, I’d say she could use some perspective.
Psalm-Angel Guadalupe is, well…just fine, other than the aforementioned issues. Heart thumping away just like normal, s/he kicks around in the womb like it ain’t no thang, it’s just…something else. I felt a kick (actually, a head-butt) last night. It was pretty neat. 😀 Were it not for the diagnosis we got one would never know the baby wasn’t going to live long past birth if s/he is born alive at all. As Sabra put it, it’s bittersweet, but mostly sweet. We hope to get a 3D ultrasound scheduled in the next couple of weeks and are still working on funeral arrangements as well…
Thank you all for your support. It is all very, very much appreciated.
…so I suppose I might as well start where it all started.
“When those thoughts won’t come, I know that the shakes will. I’ve got no gun to my weary head. Hell, I couldn’t even hold the barrel still. Everybody loves a catch twenty-two. Damned if you don’t, son, damned if you do. Outside it’s another day that I got to make it through.”
— Jason Boland
Not sure I said anything about it here before…but Sabra’s pregnant. She’s a little more than 18 weeks along. We went to her midwife’s appointment Wednesday to have an ultrasound done. She had gone for another ultrasound about three weeks ago, and everything was fine. We were thinking everything was gonna be fine this time too. We were gonna have the ultrasound done and bring home a DVD with pictures and/or video, we were gonna share it with everyone, and it was gonna be great.
We were wrong. We were so, so horribly wrong.
They did the ultrasound…but they had to call another ultrasound tech in because of some abnormalities they saw. And we got an appointment with a fetal medicine specialist for last Thursday to confirm what they suspected at the midwife’s office. And it was. Our baby has a very rare condition called limb-body wall complex. (Limb-body stalk the doctor called it.) It occurs in 0.7 of every 10,000 births. Completely random, not a chromosomal defect, no known cause or prevention. The baby has no pelvis or diaphragm, one of his/her legs is missing, s/he has a severe case of scoliosis, and the baby’s heart and intestine are outside the body. They are attached directly to the placenta, and there is only a nominal (2cm) umbilical cord. The heart and lungs aren’t going to develop like they should. I knew it was very bad when Sabra asked if they could tell us the gender. We’ve always been adamant that such remain unknown until the baby is born.
The condition…this limb-body stalk…the condition our baby has is fatal. There’s nothing that can be done about it. We’re going to take the pregnancy to term and hopefully be able to hold our baby and say goodbye; the baby won’t live long if s/he makes it out alive at all. We have chosen a gender-neutral name due to the inability to tell our baby’s gender. Our baby’s name is Psalm-Angel Guadalupe.
I am holding up the best I can, and I am finding my shelter and comfort in my precious family’s embrace, but right now I am just absolutely destroyed. I have dealt with death before, but never has it been so up-close and personal as it’s going to be in the all-too-near future. It’s one thing to deal with the death of a beloved relative who lived a somewhat long life, but quite another thing to deal with the death of your unborn child, and I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t utterly horrified at the prospect. This too shall pass, of course, but I know that this is a wound that will never heal and that none of us will ever be the same. I have so, so many questions, most of which I won’t find out the answers to in this life, but that I’ll probably be asking until Sabra and I see our precious little baby again in that land where there is no more death, no more sorrow, crying or pain.
Please keep us all in your thoughts and prayers.
“Love is everything. It’s a rose on a stone, it’s the words in a song that the choir sings. It’s the tears of goodbye and the place that you fly to, to get your wings.”
— George Strait
…that I forget to lock the door behind me when I get home. Last night I did it again, and to be honest, I was quite surprised at myself, considering what I found out about earlier in the day.
What’s that? Well…
I checked Facebook when I got to work and saw a status from my mother talking about how a longtime family friend back in the old hometown was an inspiration from the day they met and that her heart was broken. So I called a little bit later — and come to find out, this old friend was found shot to death in her home early Wednesday morning. As far as anyone knows at this point, it was domestic violence. She was a really nice lady, who left behind five kids and an untold number of friends. The whole thing left me rather shaken, to the point that I almost called Sabra to tell her to make sure the gun was loaded — even though this happened 450 miles away.
And it made me wonder what the hell went on in the days and weeks leading up to that. Is that sort of thing predictable? Does it happen right out of the blue? I would really think human instinct would allow one to pick up on that sort of thing. I don’t know, I just don’t know…
…and the only way I knew about it was through Sabra. I can hardly imagine the horror of having to bury your 9-month-old and I hope I never have to experience such. As I sit here writing this on the couch, Mr. Douglas is trying to crawl up in my lap. And now I am holding him as he munches on a Dorito. I don’t know what’s running through his little baby boy mind, but I hope he knows how much his Daddy loves him…
…or, what I’d say to a certain someone if I wanted to give her the drama on which she thrives…
“In regards to the horrible things you said about my family that you didn’t think I’d notice…
“There’s a lot I could say in response to that, from ‘people in glass houses…’ to bringing up outright all the bad things you’ve done and the utterly shitty examples you’ve set over the last 13 years or so in regards to certain things. But I’m going to be the classy one here and abstain from that.
“I will say this, however — you are fucking dead to me now.“
So, check this little guy out…
Douglas-Paul Keith made his grand entry into the world today at 3:10 AM. 9 pounds 4 ounces, and baby and mother both are fine. 🙂
…or, What I’d have said to her yesterday if I’d have had the chance…
“Hi, ex-girlfriend. No, I am still not interested in being Facebook friends with you. I’m over you now; in fact, I have been over you for a good long while, as you might have guessed if you saw the woman and the toddler in my profile picture. Yeah, she’s mine. And the woman in that picture? She’s everything you weren’t, and then some. I don’t really care what your motivations are, but I do think it’d be interesting to see how many men you’ve been through in the years since you left — and if you still pine for me, as I think you do.
“Oh, and everything I said here? It totally still applies.”